Professor Truong Nguyen Thanh shares the profound parenting style of "Father Elephant": Should you correct your mistakes or strive to do everything right?

Professor Truong Nguyen Thanh is not only famous for his teaching and educational management skills, but also for his valuable parenting methods.

Should you correct your mistakes or try to do everything right?

These are two completely contrasting parenting styles.

Strive to do things right: Study hard to get A grades, pass exams with high marks, and achieve good results in everything you do…

Learn from your mistakes: When studying, rankings aren't the most important thing as long as you're improving. If you fail an exam, learn from your mistakes and retake it. If you don't get the desired result, learn from the experience and do better.

If you are a parent, which parenting style do you choose? Each style shapes a different person, and there is no right or wrong way to do it. Parenting style is a process of character development.

I'd like to share a little about my "Elephant Dad" parenting style and how it shaped my son Takara's character.

Elephant Dad's parenting style

I never asked Takara about her grades or put pressure on her in class since she was little. Takara only put pressure on herself, and I had to teach her how to relieve that pressure.

When Takara was little, I never refused her requests for Lego sets (building blocks). Taki and Takara could sit and play enthusiastically for hours. They would take things apart and put them back together, moving from one thing to another.

Once Taki and Takara learned to read, whenever I bought household items that needed assembly, like tables, cabinets, etc., I followed their instructions! You'd be surprised by this. For example, when assembling a TV cabinet, they eagerly took the boxes apart, arranged the pieces of wood into sections, one counting and the other checking to make sure everything was there. Then they read the instructions and showed me how to do it.

– Dad, take this piece and put it here. Then connect it to this piece like this. Use this screw to tighten it here…

I did whatever they told me to do, even though I knew it was wrong. One day they felt something was wrong because it didn't look like the picture in the instructions. So they said they were wrong. I said, "Hey, what's wrong? You have to show me. I don't know what's wrong.".

Acting silly is Elephant Dad's unparalleled talent! They argue, reread the instructions, and then show me how to take things apart and put them back together. Sometimes, to successfully assemble it, I have to take it apart and fix it several times! I'm always cheerful; I do whatever they tell me to do, like a machine. When it's finished, I look at the result, hug them, and praise them, "Wow, you two are so clever! You two helped Dad assemble this thing!" They smile happily, puffing out their chests with pride!

When they got a little older, I didn't have to do anything at all. I'd buy the parts, throw them there, and tell them to put it together for me. And they'd do it themselves. At that time, Takara was developing normally, so her brain was faster than Taki's because he had autism. So usually, Takara was the one giving instructions and Taki was the one doing the work. That gave me the chance to be lazy!

When Takara first started university, he asked his dad for some money to invest in a 3D printer. He said he just needed to buy the parts and assemble it himself. I invested about $400. I remember a few years ago, my New Year's gift was a short video of the small 3D printer running. But then Takara said it had too many technical problems and he didn't develop it further. This experiment helped Takara understand the working mechanisms of 3D printers and common technical issues.

Today, Takara sent me a video from his dorm room at Stanford University showing me a much more impressive 3D printer. Takara said he invested about $800 (Oh! This time it was his own money, not asking me for it!) to buy parts, then spent a few days assembling it, a day calibrating the functions, and now it's done. It works just as well as the ones on the market that cost over $3000.

Takara said, "Because I used to assemble Lego and things for my dad when I was little, this one, although much more complicated, is very interesting. It has several hundred steps, and I can finish it in two days with focused effort.".

I said, "Hey, why don't you relax so you can start school early?" Takara replied, "This is how I relax!" For me, however she relaxes is fine—reading a book, hanging out with her boyfriend, or spending a few days tinkering with assembling a 3D printer, as long as she enjoys it! This Elephant Dad is so easygoing!

Knowing how to correct mistakes without feeling pressured to achieve good results means I'm not afraid of failure. If I don't know something, I'll learn by doing it. I'll do whatever I want to do, and if it fails, I'll fix it. When I see something broken, I'll take it apart and fix it again. I'll keep doing it until I'm satisfied with the result. This is the spirit of a growth mindset.

Parents who use a "doing it right" style often put pressure on their children, causing them to fear attempting anything that might lead to failure, yet they excel at familiar tasks. This parenting style will shape individuals who only want to do what they know, dislike exploring new things, and live strictly according to self-imposed rules and those of others within their familiar comfort zones.

Ultimately, we come back to the question, "What kind of person do you want your child to become?".

Professor Truong Nguyen Thanh has nearly 40 years of experience studying, researching, and teaching in the United States. He holds a Ph.D. in Chemistry and Computational Science from the University of Minnesota, USA; a Ph.D. in Physiological Structure Simulation; and became a full professor of Quantum Chemistry at the University of Utah, USA in 1992.

Professor Thanh is currently the Vice Rector of Van Lang University, Ho Chi Minh City. He is famous on social media for his image of lecturing while wearing checkered shorts and a T-shirt, and for his posts sharing new educational philosophies and helpful advice for students on the threshold of their future.

(Source: Kenh14.vn)

Author: Pham Phan - Date written: September 23, 2020

Category: College 9+, News - Events